The people-ness of waiters

As midday drew nearer today, I suggested to Sweet Hubby that we go out for lunch - to someplace new!  He knows what I'm up to and was very agreeable, especially as the place I chose is on the way to an errand he wanted to run.  (Full disclosure: Both of us had a very vague memory of having eaten at this place once before long ago, but the memory was so fuzzy, I'm calling this Something New.)

The restaurant had a faint, not terribly pleasant smell when we first walked in, but we inured quickly and it wasn't a problem.  Our waiter was a thin, pleasant man named Malik (I almost always ask a waiter for his name), who made direct eye contact when asking how our day was going.  So I asked him how his day was going and if people were being nice to him today, which apparently they were.

I have made it a practice to talk with my servers, unless they seem terribly busy or stressed.  I like them to know that I see them as people and take a genuine interest in who they are and how they feel about their work.  Same with cashiers and movie ticket sellers, etc.  The conversations very seldom have a chance to go very deep, so never get to what differences there might be between us, and instead allow us to address what we have in common: how our days are going, what kind of weather we're having, how energetic we are feeling, how tired we might be, what foods we like.  

I especially like engaging with someone who seems to be feeling sour or cranky or fed up.  I make it my secret agenda to see if I can turn her day around just a bit, give him a bit of a lift.  I can almost always find something to compliment sincerely (if it's not sincere, a compliment has no value), and sometimes just looking her in the face and asking "How you doin' today?", not as a toss-off but as a true question, can help someone feel seen.  And isn't that what most of us want?  To be seen as the full humans we are, as individuals with lives and pain and joy and fears and obstacles and histories.

I consider these interactions to be a kind of activism.  I don't have a lot to offer the world in a concrete way, so I see my being, how I move through life, as the way I will leave my mark and make a little bit of a difference.  It's not much, but my motto is that eventually, with enough drops, the bucket does fill.