Food, glorious food

There have been days when I didn't eat, but always because of illness, never by choice.  So today, I chose.  I fasted.  I wanted to see what it felt like.  Even more than that, I wanted to know if I could do it.

I have - I won't say an addiction; let's say I have an attraction to food.  Going without food today has allowed me to recognize how often I think about eating.  "When is lunch?  What should I fix for dinner?  Do I need to go to the grocery store?  I wonder if there's any watermelon left.  I feel like a snack, maybe just a few Fritos."  Food, the buying, cooking, and eating of, it absorbs an awful lot of my time and attention.  

I've had the chance to see how often I eat when I'm not really hungry, but just because it's a certain time of day, or I know there's something in the fridge that needs to be eaten, or the leftovers from last night sure were good.  Today I didn't actually feel true hunger until well past noon, and even then, it wasn't a gnawing hollowness, but rather a mild and new sensation, not really bothersome at all.

I've realized, too, that the AA regimen of giving up drinking one day at a time is brilliant.  My integrity isn't always the sturdiest when I've made a sweeping promise to change some behavior ("I'll never eat candy for the rest of my life!").  I find it very difficult to keep a promise like that.  But I can be rock solid in my commitment to fasting for one day.  Of course, it helps to know that I can eat tomorrow.  But still, I think I would do well to continue to make promises/commitments for one day at a time.

I had talked to Sweet Hubby about this day, and requested that he eat whenever and whatever he felt like.  He didn't need to hide nor apologize for his food.  And seeing/hearing him eat didn't seem to make my hunger more acute.  (Except when I smelled Fritos on his breath.  Right then, I felt a powerful urge to eat.  I can still remember smelling the Fritos in a schoolmate's lunch when I was in third grade, and coveting those chips with all my heart and soul.  I guess we didn't have them our in house when I was a kid, but SH and I always make sure to have them in this one.)

I wasn't sure what to expect physically, besides a gurgly stomach.  (It's raising quite a ruckus right this second.)  I'd thought I might feel weak, but I was able to do a 45 minute workout and go for a walk with SH.  In fact, I got my full 10K steps in today with no trouble.  I did feel light-headed for a few minutes this evening, but I had been breathing pretty hard just then, so I figure it was that on top of the fasting.  It passed.  I'm feeling all right.  And boy oh boy, am I going to enjoy breakfast tomorrow.